


december 8th: up on these mountains

by watergator



Series: december fic advent 2018 [8]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 07:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16909029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: prompt: losta romantic trip to the south of france goes wrong





	december 8th: up on these mountains

It was a stupid idea to go off track. A really stupid idea, Phil realises, when he feels the burning sun against the back of his neck and the sweat roll down in thick beads under his shirt.  
  
“This,” Dan huffs as he strides his long legs up the rocky hills, “is. Fucking. Stupid.”  
  
They’re both breathless, hot, tired and so unbelievably lost.  
  
“Just keep walking,” Phil tells him with a tired groan. Along with the sweltering heat, the blisters on his feet and the ache in his back and legs, he has to put up with Dan’s persistent complaining too.  
  
“I’m never coming back to France. Fuck this. Fuck you, beautiful French hills,” Dan calls out to no one. Phil just hopes there isn’t actually anyone around to hear his boyfriend yelling like a crazy person, cussing out a country and it’s landscape.  
  
But Phil just snorts a laugh. “If I’m remembering correctly, wasn’t it you that booked this holiday?” Phil asks, and Dan just stops in his tracks to turn and give Phil a deadly look.  
  
“I could kill you, you know,” he warns him. “We’re out here in the middle of the woods in the South of France and no one would ever know.”  
  
Phil laughs and pushes Dan forward to keep walking. The back of his shirt is wet with sweat and Phil grimaces.  
  
“Actually,” he says after a while, voice wobbling when almost tripping over a rock, “I think they would. I’d be a trending topic on twitter, remember?”  
  
Dan just groans and keeps walking forward.  
  
They’d only meant for a little walk up the mountain, somewhere along the river, somewhere quiet to sit and crack open a bottle of wine and relax until the sun went down. But they’d taken a wrong turn somewhere, and now they were in the middle of woods that neither of them knew how to get out of.  
  
“We just have to find the river, then go downstream,” Phil says out loud, trying to remember every survival instinct show and movie he’d ever seen.  
  
“Tell me when you see a river in the middle of a thousand trees, Phil,” Dan snaps, sounding a little more frustrated now. His breaths heave and his shirt is now sticking to his body.  
  
Phil stops in his tracks and rests his hands on his knees. “Maybe we should stop. Take a break. Don’t wanna waste our energy,” Phil advises and Dan stops to turn back at him.  
  
His face is flushed and his hair is dishevelled. Phil guesses he himself can’t look any better.  
  
“Okay,” Dan says breathlessly. “Let’s just sit for a while. My fucking feet are killing me.”  
  
They find a log to sit on and catch their breath, both quiet and unspeaking, basking in the chilling silence of the woods.  
  
“Imagine if there was a murderer in here?” Phil says, and as soon as it’s out of his mouth, he’s regretting it, because he’s just scared himself for no good reason. Dan too.  
  
“Don’t fucking sat that. Literally shut up,” Dan snaps.  
  
Phil says nothing, and instead tilts his head up, looking up at the tops of the trees where they barely block out the sun. They’re lucky for the shade, but it’s still hot.  
  
He scans the tops of the tree’s, slightly conscious now of some axe-wielding maniac perhaps perching up there, watching them.  
  
“Come on,” Dan says suddenly, patting Phil’s bare knee, “let’s get going. I wanna get out of here.”  
  
Dan stands, and begins to walk off again, and Phil spends no time sticking close to him.  
  
Ten minutes later, and they’re possibly more lost, and more pissed off. Even Phil’s let out a few f-bombs in frustration every time his trainer rubs against a blister on his foot.  
  
“We’re gonna die in here, Phil,” Dan wails dramatically as they keep walking.  
  
“We’re gonna fucking die in this pissing woods in France.”  
  
Phil says nothing but keeps walking with his head down, eyes drooping with sleepiness.  
  
“I’m gonna lay down and die of starvation. Then a bear is gonna find my corpse and feed it to her babies and I’ll be reduced to bear shit on this very ground. Is this what God intended? Is it Phil?”  
  
Phil ignores him, and lets him continue his whinging as they trudge along.  
  
“They’ll find my bones and I’ll be on the news and – oh god!” he exclaims loudly with a flap of his arms against his sides, “They’ll refer to me on the news as fucking danisnotonfire, and although I’ll be dead, it’ll be like death all over again!”  
  
Phil just pushes him forward to keep going, and grunts.  
  
“And if a bear doesn’t eat me, then maybe I’ll pass out from exhaustion, and in my sleep a giant eagle will swoop down and peck my eyes out,” Dan wails again and Phil makes a sound of disgust.  
  
“And then,” Dan starts up again, “I’ll wonder these woods, blind and alone until I die and turn into a tree or something. This is bullshit, Phil.”  
  
Phil laughs, “And what about me? Where am I during all this bear shit and eagle eye murder?” he asks with a hint of amusement at his boyfriends dramatic antics.  
  
Dan groans. “I dunno man. I eat you. I eat you for getting us fucking lost,” he tries to sound angry but at this point, he just sounds tired.  
  
Phil snorts a laugh and looks back up at the trees again as they walk. “Maybe I join a cannibal tribe and I eat you first,” he suggests nonchalantly, looking back at Dan ahead on him.  
  
Dan scoffs. “You’d never. Just leave me for baby bear food. You can’t have my precious meats,” he sighs.  
  
Phil laughs then sighs. “I think we’re officially losing our minds. How long have we been out here for?” he asks.  
  
“Days. Months. Years, maybe? It’s becoming harder to tell,” Dan replies, and Phil just shoves him playfully.  
  
“Get out your phone, idiot. No signal still?” he asks and Dan responds by fishing his phone out his shorts pockets and letting out a loud, unnecessary groan of disappointment .  
  
“No signal. And it’s been,” he looks at the screen again, “an hour.”  
  
Phil nods, although Dan can’t see from behind him. “Okay. Let’s just keep going.”  
  
“We could be going deeper into the woods at this point,” Dan reminds him.  
  
“Further away from civilisation to kill you,” Phil says back. Dan just turns his head to shake it at him.  
  
“Fun.” He says in a dry tone.  
  
Phil grins at him.  
  
Eventually, the sun is beginning to set, and real panic is starting to set in between them. Despite the jokes of murderers and bears, they stick close together now, side by side instead of behind, keeping their voices low.  
  
They know that only one of the two threats could be real. And Phil wishes it was actually the bear.  
  
“What will we do if it gets dark?” Dan asks, real panic and fear in his voice now. Phil faces him with a frown.  
“We’ll figure it out. Maybe make a camp. Do you know how to make a fire?” he asks hopeful. Dan shakes his head.  
  
“We’re going to die then,” Phil says and Dan groans again.  
  
They keep walking through rows of thousands of tall trees and Phil tries to make mental note of where they’ve been and their surroundings. But he’s so tired, and thirsty (they’d drank the remainder of the last water bottle they had) and everything looks the same now.  
  
“If I die,” Dan says in a tired voice after a while of silence, “then delete my channel. I know it’s already dead but if I go, you might as well bury her with me,” he tells him, and Phil forces some energy out of him to actually laugh.  
  
“Okay, and if I die, you can have my furby. I’m gonna haunt you with it,” he tells him with a grin, and Dan gives him a hurt look.  
  
“Why would you do that?”  
  
Phil scoffs a laugh, “Because you’re the one that got us lost and got me killed.”  
  
Dan rolls his eyes playfully. “You and the furby are going to hell mate. I’ll bury the bloody thing in these very woods.”  
  
“Then you’ll just be lost again,” Phil quips back and Dan grins.  
  
“It’s all very Romeo and Juliet. I’ll come back to bury your vessel and die to be with you,” he says in a fake dreamy voice and Phil shoves his shoulder lightly.  
  
“Disgusting, you are.”  
  
Dan just smiles sweetly at him.  
  
Another ten minutes and it’s getting darker. They aren’t in a mood for joking around anymore and they’re both trying to stay calm for the benefit of the other, but it’s not really working. Phil is already conjuring some sort of plan for a make-shift tree house for them to live out of, when suddenly Dan is laughing.  
  
Phil snaps his head up and his face breaks into a grin.  
  
“We’re saved. We’re fucking saved!” Dan laughs loudly, voice cracking.  
  
Up ahead of them, just a few feet stands a tall post with a sign, white paint slopped on in French, and just underneath an English translation reads, barely visible:  
  
_Camp Entrance._

Dan runs towards it and Phil jogs closely behind.  
  
“Guess we’ll have to turn to cannibalism some other time, huh?” Phil grins as he catches up to Dan, walking through the entrance to be greeted with a wide spread of trailers and caravans across a stretch of clearing.  
  
Dan grins fondly and bumps his shoulder with his. “There’s still time, Lester. Watch your back.”  
  
Phil laughs with a shake of his head. “Shut up.”  


**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


End file.
